i stole Michael's hat, so i went home and took pictures of myself in it. i like how blonde my hair has gotten. it took so long to finally get back to it.

lesson learned: don't dye your hair.

pink-blue&violet-blue&purple-blue&purple&pink-blue&purple&pink&magenta-blue&green-platinum-darkdarkdarkred-light&brown&orange-orangeishblonde-blonde

too hard, too hard

anyways

i leave on friday for two weeks. i'm going to camp where you live on a boat for two weeks adn sail around the british virgin islands. so wonderful. first of all, i love sailing with my whole heart. and then i love the british virgin islands. i've been there three times before, and it is so beautiful. we get to party on beaches everynight and listne to music on the boat and live iwth like 15 other people around mah age. hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah

lifes goodddddd/kinda awkward at the momentt

bye

i felt like i was on top of the world.

rooftop to rooftop to rooftop to rooftop

you could almost see the whole town.

The 30 Day Letter Challenge

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

i lead people on. its true its true its true

and it makes me feel terrible

but i hardly realize i'm doing it until they ask me who i like

and its not them

and i know that i've hurt them

godammit.

i go to the beach everyday. the beach is my pride and joy. i love it there. i love sailing. i love the waves and the water and the sun and the radio and the lifejackets.

i love it i love it i love it.

so today was fun. i was hanging out with hettie and halle and we baked cookies and listened to j beibs. then we went out and dressed up like full on cholas. like lip liner, bronzer, sharpi eyebrows, booty shorts, the works. so great. we called everyone pappi. people didn't seem to be so into it. i was pretty happy though

went home and made my status 'love me or let me go' cause i'm sick of the confusing shit.

michael commented love you

and it simply made my night!

hes a good friend. i enjoy seeing him, me and him and paul having fun sailing together.

i'm going away for two weeks in two weeks. i get to sail around the british virgin islands. ooooh am i happy. so happy so happy so happy

that is all for now

and i realized that when i'm looking at the stars, i'm more content then i'll ever be

I haven't written in awhile. I'm sorry. I dont think anyone necissarily reads this or anything, but i guess i have some weird feeling that my blog gets lonely if i dont write in it. It's like a journal that gets started and then you leave it behind. It looks so utterly empty when you go back to it, months, years, later. So i decided i need to start writing more.

I went to the beach today. It was beautiful. All of the masts of the sail boats, or whatever they were, were clanking together making the most beautiful ringing noise echo through out the beach in the wind. There was only a few clouds, and the sand was warm. The water wasn't cold, and almost see through. Lia, Michael, Joey, Will, Paul, and i all swam. we wrestled and laughed and screamed. beautiful. everyone, discluding paul, went back to joeys and sang and did what we usually do.

finally at the end, joey, lia and i laid down and watched the stars. i couldn't stop thinking. i told joey that if i had anyone to talk to i wouldn't know where to start. theres too much that i think. and he began to tell me about how he has nothing to say, and that he doesnt remember his thoughts. i remember them all. every single one of them. everytime i look up at that sky i am everywhere at once. every place i have ever seen those stars. and i either begin to feel infinite, or small.

Tonight i felt really small.

everything felt overwhelming. i started to think about how all the stars are so old that we look up and think 'oh how beautiful' but they are already dead. we are just so far away that what we are experiencing is their deaths, their explosion and disapearance from the universe. and i started to think about how sad that is, that what appears so beautiful is truly death.

and then about how the fact that if you took the strongest telescope and sat on mars, that you'd see the past. if you looked down you'd see all the cavemen. maybe you'd see war, maybe you'd see a death, a birth. you could witness the world through a telescope.

so i started to wonder about what existence is. and about how stuck up this country is, i mean americans in general speak of people needing to come here, because what, we're the best? then when you actually go somewhere else, you realize that this land, like just the land, isn't that great. travel to france, travel anywhere and meet the people, suddenly nothing feels as good. home doesn't feel like home when you live on foreign streets. and i started thinking about how in a few hundred years, people will have started over. i'm sure we've started over a billion times before. we max out potential and war breaks out because we cant have any revolutions, and we die out. we get recreated, and start from scratch.

maybe one day this won't be america. itll be something i can't pronounce, can't type, can't dream of.

or about how that because we are an ignorant being in general, and want to be dominant and the dominant species, that maybe we are all just apart of the same dollhouse, the sam sims game, on the tip of the same ice burg. maybe global warming is actually just getting set down in the sun by a little boy. and maybe, just maybe, we are so afraid of feeling small, that we block out seeing him.

and through thinking about that, i started to wonder if dreams and reality were one thing. or if what we say is dreams is really reality, and that we just don't know it. i started to wonder about color and how no one really knows what color is. because to me pink is pink, but anyone can point to a shade and say this is pink, and everyone will accept it, because we can't describe pink. maybe we all see things differently then the other but accept one common reality. all that really exists is perception. there is one widely accepted reality, life, and then there is our minds, our thoughts, our dreams and aspirations and ideas. and that is why everything means something differently to one person and whatnot, because other than that one general acceptance, it is all your own.

and now, i have you wondering.

hollaaaaa straight up

bitches i love life

All my friends are getting ready for graduation but I have already graduated. hmph.

i'm listening to the Subways, and i really like them. you should check em out, i thinkk.

wrote a new poem yesterday, it was nice. i haven't truly written since i finished my novel way back in february. busting out 50,000 words in about two and a half months is difficult, and since then my writing has become practically nonexistent. however this break has let me get more into my photography, so i guess its a good thing. i wish i was better at multi tasking.

well, i'm exploring the internet right now and it is the most exciting thing that i have done in three days. i'm sickk. my friends are sick. the world is sick.

and clariton lies. IT DOES NOT HELP!

anywho. i'm going to go play with sidewalk chalk now, maybe try to get a decent picture out of it.

I've noticed that if you look at the stars closely enough, you can almost see them fading.

It fascinates me how we don't see them fading, they're so old already that by the time we see them they are already dead. That awes me. I don't understand. But then again, the best things you shouldn't. I don't understand any of what is going on with everything that is right now, but it's too good to let go or try to understand. Things will fix themselves, I think.

I saw my first shooting star on saturday night.

I've been playing with my kaleidescope a bunch lately, I really love the different perspective it gives me. Just been spending a ton of time outside due to the beautiful weather. I am also collecting photographs, so please give me any that you think I would enjoy. Perhaps if people actually read this that anouncement would be more helpful. Anywho.

ta ta for now.

last night was the best one i've had since Rocky Horror.

Fireworks. Baseball. Wicca tribal dances. Halo. Call of Duty 4. Ke$ha. Trampolines. Counting freckles. Piggy backs. Baseball bats. Exploding soda cans..

Well this week has been interesting.

I figured out a ton yesterday with Lia, as we sat and talked for four hours. I love those talks.

Friday is going to be incredible, I can already tell. Lia, Stephanie, Kathleen and I are all going to the beach with glow sticks, my camera, Ke$ha and some form of food. I'm damn excited.

Saturday morning Joey, Lia, Nemo and I are all going to breakfast.

All in all, i love my friends.

i wanted all things to make some sense, so we could all be happy, yes, instead of tense. and i made up lies, so they all fit nice, and i made this sad world a paradise.

You only live a day, but it's brilliant anyway.

I just want to take some photos, and that is exactly what I am going to go do.

Mama's dayyy

Happy mama's day, everyone!!

Hope it was a good one. I mini golfed and ate some shit tater tots, but that's just how it goes.

As of now the guy who write Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist congratulated me on winning a national Scholastic Art and Writing Award, and a silver medal in the Push young writers contest. Out of 500 people, I was one of the 4 chosen for winning. Yay! Everyone seems much more enthusiastic then me, but whatever.

Heres the photos from the picnic, and mothers day brunch.

Yesterday

Yesterday;:


Cuddle cuddle cuddle
yay!

Today

Yes, I know that no one reads this but I post consistently anyway.

Today I went to school for the first time in ever, and this is what I wrote.

I'm back at Washburne, it's not that odd at all. People continously look at me, don't think much then double take and freak out. They all haven't seen me in over a year-- most I basicley just dissapeared the day after Easter '09. No one is being odd though, other than the initial shock. I wonder if I'll see Ellie. All the boys are growing to men. Nate, Cotten, Ben, they all aren't my little boys anymore. I remember when Nate and I dated and he was hardly my height and was so awkward and cute. Now he's tall, his voice is low and I can put my arms around his waist when I'm standing. They all tower over me, I feel like such a little girl. I'm wearing the clothes of a lady but I'm so short and tiny. People have become confident as they've grown. People who used to be just babies who I could cradle in my arms are now doing the same to me, and I am too small to hold them myself. Little boys are becoming men, and women ladies All the seventh graders are so tiny, and it's incredible to think I was that just last year. The boys all tremble and fumble with girls, with their cracking voices and awkwardly short limbs. A year later they are confident, touching girls with grace on their fingers. They don't tremble, instead, they glide. People are growing up, and it scares me. In just four years I will never see any of these people again. I've seen them grow from kindergarten to fifth grade until now. I'll try to clutch ahold of a few, but others will just slip away. I've watched them grow, I don't want to see them leave. Growing and growing up aren't the same. Growing they are still in grasp, as soon as they grow up they are gone. I feel like a mother with children ready to leave. The difference is much more apparent once you've been gone for so long. Pictures of the internet and Facebook just aren't doing any of them justice. People are more than pixels, that is for sure. I wish it was last night again, I wish I could swing through dusk just again as we had. When the bugs fly and it isn't quite dark yet but the air feels nonexistent around you, and you become one with everything. One with the plastic underneath you and the dirt in your toes. The world seems so much more confusing from upside down, and at dusk. Or twilight. One or the other.

I wish people could fall in love like they look like they do in Polaroid's. Polaroid's are the best kind of love.

Picnics on a golf course!

If only I could show you all my many Polaroid's I took today! Unfortunately, I don't have a scanner so we are just going to have to live with the idea that they are magnificent. I had a picnic today and just ate veggie straws, which are my favorite food btw, and drank pink lemonade. Hettie, Maddie, Lia, and Paul were all there. I really love those kids, and have fun with them. It's nice to come home to something as wonderful as them. After our picnic we drew on my wall, played on the swings, and laughed. Good times, good times.

Lia&&Paul, this is for you::

SKETCHY.

anywho, that was my day. i love you!

Once upon a time.

Once I knew a girl named Paris.

She showed me this whole other world. When we were together I felt like her and I could create something beautiful together even though I had felt like a monster myself at the time. We'd talk about our views and the world. I miss telling her about all my opinions and racing thoughts. We'd ride around Winnetka in her dad's convertable, top down screaming with the wind in our hair just to feel alive.

I don't miss needing something to make me feel alive, though.

But this was an exception. Everything with her felt right, and I wish I had this lady back. It's been too long.

Paris, our road trip is still on.

On another note, today I fell off my bike and almost got hit by a car, had a picnic with some lovely ladies and rode on the back of a bike while Paul swerved and got me so scared that I jumped off.

I've gotten so many battle wounds lately. Skinned my wrist while climbing on rocks, almost got hit by a car as I fell off my bike, got three blisters from new shoes and Paul whipped me in the face while we were on the swings together.

Entirely worth it

And this, was today.

eating lunch on my roof

So basicaley, this was my day.

I ran around Wilmette in short shorts and flip flops, feeling the dirt, wind, and lake envelope me. I rode a bike with two other people, and got dressed up to go down to Chicago to see my dearest Aleks. the train broke down at least four times. To get halfway across town it took an hour. Finally, I got off and went to have dinner with my mom and grandma. I wish I could of seen him, although I had fun in the end.

I was all dressed up with no where to go!

Great photo weather today. Sunny with perfect lighting.

Ate lunch on my roof, another plus.

Desperately seeking Winnetka.

Hello. I really hate getting car sick, especially up here in the mountains.

This is my friend Emmaline. I miss my Emmaline! If only we'd been closer when she was still living with me, I took advantage of seeing her beautiful face everyday.

I need to get my film developed. I'm so excited, this roll is filled with Fisheye lenses, balloons and sunflowers. YAHTRICKYAH.

Wow, stepping out of my comfort zone today and not using very accurate punctuation, spelling, or vocabulary.

Oh, now it's back.

My family went tubing today, then to the animal shelter. I fell in love with a cat named Tycoon, he was orange and white striped! A little lap kitty who liked to purr. ILOVEHIM. If only I could take my baby home.

Speaking of home, I'm sick of fucking utah and prefferabley I'd like to go into one specific persons arms and never let them let go. I really miss Lia, Hettie, Maddie, Paul, Ben, and Crane. I love them with my whole heart and unfortunately, my heart now lives in the sad, sad town (if it can even be considered such a thing) of Murray, Utah.

I hate La Europa.

On the brighter side though, graduation is on May 27th and I can go home and have the summer I'm dying for.

xoxo,

Courtney.

why hello!

It's been so long!

So sorry for the wait, I have been so busy at school, trying to keep my grades intact so I can apply to Reed and have a chance at getting in, writing my newest novel, and starting a new book of inspiration. Life continues to suprise me every day.

I like to think of myself as peculiar-- peculiar enough to let simplicity drive me insane. I have a personality, not a diagnosis

-Scrawled Upon Sidewalks, Courtney Cook

Todays prompt: Post Secret.

Send one in to:

Post Secret 13345 Copper Ridge Rd Germantown, Maryland 20874

or just write about it. Inside of us, millions of secrets harbor, some of which we even hide from ourselves. As they harbor they grow dusty, although they are never forgotten. There are always times in conversation where you could say something, although you can't because of how it would taste on your tongue. Today I encourage you to scream your secret to the sky. Odds are no one is listening but yourself, and you are the only one who truly needs to know how it sounds out loud.

The second prompt, if that one doesn't suit your fancy:

If you'd call my name out loud, do you suppose that I would come running? Do you suppose I'd come at all? I suppose I would.

-Dispatch

Do with them both as you will.

This entire collection is brilliant.

Alexander Mcqueen, rest in peace. You were a brilliant designer, the world has lost a bit of everything that makes it phenomenal.

All of my photos are courtesy of either google images or photobucket.

Any who;;

I'm heading back to school today. Only ten days until I come home, ten days that will feel like an eternity. When I come home I'm hoping to start filming for a montage of short films that I can make into a collection. When I get the chance I'll post on how this is going.

What I'm currently looking for:

A magnifying class

A small gold birdhouse

Any sort of small trinckit

A small pocket watch (antique, of course.)

^^^ all of which i can turn into necklaces.

My neck feels very bare and naked, lately.

Off to school.

drawing.

Valentines

Hello beautiful!

What a lovely day it is to be alive. I went skiing today in Park City, it was warm and the sun was shining. I stopped at about twelve to get hot chocolate with a shot of vanilla, and it was absolutely wonderful. I've decided that this is my favorite mountain, more so than Jackson Hole, which is hard to beat.

So last friday I climbed trees and messed around with my Holga and Polaroid, and I'm craving to do the same thing right now. I'm going to Chicago in two weeks and I couldn't be more excited. Photoshoots planned with Hettie and thrift store shopping with Alex, what could get better?

Prompt for today: Tegan and Sara's new album, or Metric's Calculation Theme.

Do with them what you will.

Oh,, poetry.

I met an acid named empty.

The feeling of

emptiness

inside of my stomach

refuses to be filled with

peaches, plums or

apple cores.

I’m not hungry, only lonely, but anyways.

My stomach fell in love with an acid called empty.

I grow trees and strawberry seeds

but the orchards continue to venture onto

forbidden territory and places where

X doesn’t mark the spot.

And Peter Pan was only delusion and

the ocean was only a raindrop enlarged by the skies

magnify glass.

But the fluids continue on as if it was

winter and

the pears grow because they want to win the

state fair.

They are rather large.

But people made of paper and

firemen that have never put out a flame

cannot fill me,

even if they do inhabit my organs.

Colonies and bank robberies,

I’m still spilling over with nothing but

continuous homicides and

chain reaction suicides

that I can’t control.

If only me and my stomach weren’t so small…

Tonight my ghost will ask your ghost.

Hello.

Why are these bodies between us?

I adore Metric, their lyrics are absolutely stunning.

"Some day," I told Jan, "When they demonstrate that the world has four dimensions instead of just three, a man will be able to go out for a walk and just disappear. No burial, no tears, no illusions, no heaven or hell. People will be sitting round and they'll say 'what happened to George?' and, someone will say, 'well I don't know. He said he was going out for a pack of cigarettes'." -Charles Bukowski

Tonight I'd love for you to go out and explore. There is a whole world that hardly anyone takes advantage of. Find your Grandmother's cob webbed rocking chair, the rabbit your mother painted you when you were five or the tree bark that surrounds the willow in your back yard. Inspiration hides itself within the crevices of the world, and preferably, I'd love for you to find them. Take your Holga film camera for a walk, it has been very lonely lately, matter a fact you have been lonely yourself. Together find something beautiful and capture it.

Don't let it pass you by.