Yes, I know that no one reads this but I post consistently anyway.
Today I went to school for the first time in ever, and this is what I wrote.
I'm back at Washburne, it's not that odd at all. People continously look at me, don't think much then double take and freak out. They all haven't seen me in over a year-- most I basicley just dissapeared the day after Easter '09. No one is being odd though, other than the initial shock. I wonder if I'll see Ellie. All the boys are growing to men. Nate, Cotten, Ben, they all aren't my little boys anymore. I remember when Nate and I dated and he was hardly my height and was so awkward and cute. Now he's tall, his voice is low and I can put my arms around his waist when I'm standing. They all tower over me, I feel like such a little girl. I'm wearing the clothes of a lady but I'm so short and tiny. People have become confident as they've grown. People who used to be just babies who I could cradle in my arms are now doing the same to me, and I am too small to hold them myself. Little boys are becoming men, and women ladies All the seventh graders are so tiny, and it's incredible to think I was that just last year. The boys all tremble and fumble with girls, with their cracking voices and awkwardly short limbs. A year later they are confident, touching girls with grace on their fingers. They don't tremble, instead, they glide. People are growing up, and it scares me. In just four years I will never see any of these people again. I've seen them grow from kindergarten to fifth grade until now. I'll try to clutch ahold of a few, but others will just slip away. I've watched them grow, I don't want to see them leave. Growing and growing up aren't the same. Growing they are still in grasp, as soon as they grow up they are gone. I feel like a mother with children ready to leave. The difference is much more apparent once you've been gone for so long. Pictures of the internet and Facebook just aren't doing any of them justice. People are more than pixels, that is for sure. I wish it was last night again, I wish I could swing through dusk just again as we had. When the bugs fly and it isn't quite dark yet but the air feels nonexistent around you, and you become one with everything. One with the plastic underneath you and the dirt in your toes. The world seems so much more confusing from upside down, and at dusk. Or twilight. One or the other.
I wish people could fall in love like they look like they do in Polaroid's. Polaroid's are the best kind of love.
